Gundam Lullaby
by NekuYasha
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Relena and Heero had got together? What if something, or Someone, split them up? This based on that concept. Warnings:Angst, deathfic, hinted at yaoi and suicide. Rated PG13 for language and adult themed hints.
1. Relena's Lullaby

Warnings: Death fic-don't like 'em, don't read it.

This isn't my typical style, but I really feel that I had to write this.

It's a song-fic for 'Whiskey Lullaby' by B. Paisley and A. Krauss. Although, for this story, I switched the Him's and Her's to switch the POV of the first verse to that of the woman. Sorry, had to.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Gundam Wing' OR 'Whiskey Lullaby'.

**Gundam Lullaby**

**Chapter 1:Relena's Lullaby**

**814 Cherry Blossom Drive** **10:30pm, Friday night, 1 month ago**

Relena smiled to herself. 'Won't Heero be suprised! I can't wait!'

She had been away on diplomatic business for almost a month. And while she wasn't real happy being away from Heero for so long, she realized it was neccesary. But, Oh how she missed him when she was away!

The cab rolled through the gates and up to the two story Tudor that she and Heero shared. It had been 3 years since the end of the wars and 2 years since she and Heero had finally became a couple. After a tumultuous friendship through the war years and the bumpy start that _all_ relationships seem to have, they got engaged. Matter of fact, their wedding was only a month away!

Relena started to exit the cab when Falen, her bodyguard, stopped her.

"Lady Peacecraft! Wait! Let me do a security sweep first."

Relena shook her head.

"I've told you, call me Relena. And there's no need for a sweep. This is my home. Besides, Heero's here. Nothing would ever get past him and he would never let anything hurt me."

"Yes, _But_, he didn't know you were arriving today. He won't be on alert, let alone his best guard. By the way, why _didn't_ you tell him you were back?"

"Because! I got back three days early, something that _never_ happens, and I wanted to suprise him!"

Falen pointed to the carport. "Well, you'll definately do that. He's not expecting you and he seems to have company."

Relena looked in the direction Falen was pointing. Sure enough, there was a second motorcycle parked next to Heero's. Both of them being Christmas presents from Quatre last year, they were similar; one Gloss Black, one Gloss Red, both with silvery-chromed feathers floating along the paint job. Relena smiled.

"It's just Duo. No doubt he took pity on Heero and swung by to keep him company while I was away."

She placed a friendly hand on Falen's shoulder. "Thank you, Falen. You're a wonderful bodyguard and a better friend. I appreciate you putting up with everything tonight; the secrecy, the cab, ditching the rest of my entourage...everything. Thank You."

Falen smiled and shook his head. "You're going to drive me to an early grave, Lady Peacecraft. Now, get out of here. Enjoy your night."

Relena smiled, shaking her head as she exited the cab and walked up to the front door. She unlocked it, ducked inside, and waved at Falen, who nodded in response as he watched the door close. He directed the cabby to take him back to the consulate and finally relaxed back in his seat.

'That Heero doesn't know how lucky he is,' he thought. 'I only hope he appreciates her...'

Relena locked the door and put her purse on the table in the foyer, under the rack with all their various keys. She lightly bumped into the table in the dark. None of the lights were on downstairs.

'Maybe Duo's spending the night,' she thought. 'Although it's hard to believe they'd be asleep already...?'

She shrugged out of her coat, draping it over her purse and headed for the steps upstairs. But when she got to the top step, she slowed to a stop.

'What is that _sound_?'

An odd, quiet thumping was coming down the hall from the opposite end. She slowly advance a few steps down the hallway. A small squeaking joined the thumping. Relena relaxed a little but was slightly annoyed. Obviously Duo had brought along his elusive girlfriend. But, how Heero could sleep over the noise, what with the main guest room being directly across the hall from the master suite, was beyond her. Ughh! She would _Really_ have to talk to that boy about his manners!

But as she neared the two bedrooms, Relena became confused all over again. 'Why does it sound like that noise is coming from _our_ suite?' she wondered. When she was directly in front of her door, the thumping, presumably the bed hitting the wall, became more frantic.

Relena frowned. 'Bringing your girlfriend over to stay and visit is one thing, but screwing her in MY Bed is going a bit TOO FAR, DUO!' she thought as she turned the knob. The loud, lusty, dual moan that assaulted her ears as she entered the room was nowhere nearly as startling as the image that assaulted her eyes!

The first thing that she seen was a naked back she could've identified in the dark. Heero. He was shuddering with his release. Relena was so shocked that she missed the long, chestnut braid that was wrapped around his right hand. If she had seen it she wouldn't have gasped when Heero fell over on the bed to cuddle his partner, and she seen that it was Duo.

_He put her out, like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette. _

Her gasp alerted the two former Gundam pilots to her presence. Relena clasped her hand over her mouth to stifle the sob of denial that rose up in her throat. Heero sat bolt upright in bed, gaping at her.

"Relena...! What are you doing home? You're early..." His expression was pure shock, followed by...regret?

_He broke her heart._

Duo had the grace to look chagrined.

Relena couldn't even drag in an adequate breath, let alone say something around the lump in her throat. Thought process stopped as instinct took over. Before Heero could move another muscle, Relena turned and fled the room, running down the hallway.

When she hit the stairs, she all but fell down them in her effort to flee. She landed in a heap at the foot of the stairs but drug herself to her feet just as quickly. She fell into the foyer table hard, grabbing her coat, purse, and a set of keys off the rack on the wall, before running outside, not even bothering to shut the door behind her.

Amazingly, Relena found her Jag through her tears without further incident. While Quatre had got all the Pilots bikes for Christmas last year, he had refurbished the vintage Jaguar that had all but rusted away in her family's storage. It went from Rust Orange with Dirt Black interior to White and Chrome with Pale Pink interior.

She turned the key and the engine roared to sweet life. She put it in gear and hit the gas so hard she peeled out, tires squealing. Heero came running out the door in jeans and bare feet just as she roared by him. She barely missed him as she screamed down the drive. The last Relena seen of him was in the rear-view, screaming something she never heard, trying to flag her down.

_She spent her whole life trying to forget._

**Happy Howard's 10:30pm, Friday night, Present**

Falen walked into the bar, scanning it's inhabitants for someone specific. It took him a minute, but he finally found his mark.

Sitting alone, in a back booth, was Relena. Falen walked up and sighed. She looked like hell. Her head was resting on one arm, her hair strewn across the tabletop, and a brandy snifter clutched in her other hand. She was a total mess.

_We watched her drink her pain away, a little at a time._

"Passed out," he muttered. Falen walked over and tried to take the drink out of her hand, only to get the shit startled right out of him when she shot up in her seat, snarling at him. He nearly choked on the whiskey smell permeating her breath.

" 't's mine! Git'cher own!" She was so drunk her eyes couldn't even focus on him. Falen doubted she even knew who he was right now.

He frowned as she tossed back the last 1/3 of the glass, spilling a good deal of it down the front of her shirt. Which, by the look of things, isn't the first drink to find it's way there tonight.

Falen slid into the other side of the booth.

"Lady Peacecraft? It's me, Falen. Come on, Lady P. Pull it together."

Relena looked at him and blinked hard, a couple of times. Slowly, her eyes focused on him.

"Falen?"

He smiled gently and laid a hand on one of hers.

"Yeah, it's me, Lady P. I'm here."

She put the glass down and slid that hand into her hair, leaning on it.

"My God, what am I doing here, Falen? Look at me. I'm a mess."

He patted her hand. "It's o.k. I doubt anyone's paying attention."

She snorted. "It pays to have old friends. Howard's one of the guys I met during the wars. He was always helping Heer..." She choked on his name and Falen silently cursed the Pilot for the millionth time as tears started to slide down her cheeks.

_But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind, Until the night..._

Falen slid around to her side of the booth and pulled her into his arms. Normally, Relena would never have let him comfort her, hadn't this whole month in fact. But tonight was different. She buried her face in his shoulder and the tears came in torrents, along with the mutterings.

"Why? Why didn't I see it? They were so close! And it wasn't until _after_ Duo came back from L2 that Heero relinguished his position as my head of security! But we were already eng-gaged by then," she hiccuped, gulping in breath around her sobs.

Falen held her, stroking her head soothingly, trying not to let the rage he felt for one _Mr. Yuy_ come through in his voice.

"Shhh...Shhhhh. It's o.k. Everything's alright. There's no way you could've known. Shhhhhhhhhh." He kept his voice deliberately calm and smooth, trying to ease her emotional outpour.

A waitress came to pick up her glass and dropped off a cup of coffee. Falen mouthed 'thank you' to her and she just smiled in response, disappearing back into the crowd. He coaxed Relena into drinking the coffee, which helped bring her senses back a little. And everytime she finished a cup, and he thought he'd have to track down a waitress, here she'd come and fill it right on up.

After about three cups of coffee Relena felt strong enough to stand and make her way to the bathroom. Although, that could've been just out of necessity. There was only one b/r and she made a bee-line straight for it. She was there a few minutes and when Falen saw her heading back his way, he could tell she'd been sick.

Falen stood and held up Relena's coat for her to slide into. She did so, grateful for the warmth. For some reason she was suddenly chilled through. She looked up at Falen and said the only thing she could think of.

"Take me home. Please?"

Falen smiled and nodded. "Sounds like a good idea."

He slid an arm around her shoulders and helped lead her out of the bar and out to her car. He took the keys as she pulled them out of her purse, unlocked her door and held it open for her to slide in. He joined her, taking the driver's seat only after making sure she was buckled in securely.

He drove her to the apartment she'd been living at for the last month.

"I still don't understand why you didn't take Mr. Winner up on his offer of a house to live in," he said as he unlocked the front door and ushered her in. "It would definately have been more secure."

Relena shook her head. "I just couldn't, Falen. I mean, I really like Quatre and Trowa, but I'd never impose by not paying rent, and Quatre would never accept it. Not to mention that I'd never be able to go over there without the chance of running into either of '_them_'." She shrugged out of her coat, throwing it and her purse on the couch in a heap.

"So you aren't afraid of calling Quatre, even though they might be visiting?"

Relena looked at her feet. "I haven't exactly called Quatre since I called off the wedding."

Falen could've kicked himself. '**That's** why she got so plastered tonight,' he thought. 'Today was supposed to be her wedding! No wonder she's so upset!'

He walked over to stand in front of Relena. When she looked up at him tears were forming small pools that leaked down her cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her and just let her cry. Her hands balled into fists clutching at his jacket. Her little body shook with the force of her emotional venting and all he could do was hold her and stroke her hair, murmering solaces to her.

After it seemed she had cried herself dry, Relena pulled back to look at Falen. "Thank you, Falen. It seems all I do around you is cry. That and complicate your life. I don't see why you put up with me."

"Don't say that!" He lifted her chin to look at him. "You are a wonderful person, Relena. You're intelligent, brave, patient...and the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

That statement got Relena's attention. Her eyes grew wide as she searched Falen's gaze. Falen blushed slightly but didn't back down from her inspection.

"I...I never knew you f-felt like that, Falen. I...don't know what to say. I...I..."

Falen smiled gently, putting a finger up to her lips. "Now's not the time, I know. If I were thinking, I wouldn't be burdening you with this now. Not when you have so much to deal with already. But one day, after you've had time to heal, I want to sit down with you and have a serious heart-to-heart talk. No pressure, no time soon, just one day."

Relena smiled almost sadly. "I'm not sure how long it'll take to heal from something like this. It could be a long while. You sure you want to wait that long?"

"You're worth waiting for. Besides, it's not like I'm not going to see you every day, unless of course, you're dimissing my position as head of security?" he teased.

She shook her head, smiling. "Of course not! You are possibly the best person to hold that position. I'd be stupid to dismiss you."

She hugged him tightly before backing up a step. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get some rest. Today has truely sucked, my head is throbbing, and my bed is calling my name."

Falen smiled, nodding. "Of course. Do you want me to stay? I could sleep on the couch."

"No, but thanks. I'll be fine. Besides, you can't have the couch, that's where _I_ sleep most nights!" She smiled while pulling him gently towards the door.

Falen stepped out, but turned to look at her. "Alright, Lady P. But I'll be by to pick you up in the morning. Say 9am? I think after the night you've had you deserve to sleep in."

Relena smiled and nodded. "Sounds great! I'll see you then."

Falen turned away and Relena shut and locked the door behind him. Then she crossed to the windows to watch him step outside and hail a cab. After he was gone she finally went and laid down, trying to sleep.

But sleep wasn't as comforting a thing as Relena had hoped. She woke up around 2am gasping for breath and tears running down her face. She buried her head in her hands and cried.

'Always...Always the same dream...Coming home, finding Heero and Duo, running away...Why can't my mind just let me be? Why can't he stop haunting me? Why?'

By the time Relena stopped crying her head was pounding pretty good, so she got up and padded down the hall to the kitchen. When she opened the fridge, it was with the intent to get a glass of pop to take some Tylenol, but when she saw the whiskey bottle next to the coke, she reached for it instead.

_She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger,_

She started out mixing Whiskey and Coke, but an hour later saw her drinking it straight out of the bottle. She was sitting on her bed, legs crossed indian-style, with the bottle between her legs and a micro-recorder clutched in her hand. She had started dictating a letter, to whom, she didn't know, trying to vent her pain.

_And finally drank away his memory..._

Relena talked and talked, spilling out all the thoughts in her head, all the feelings she could never say aloud. And in all the purging, she came to the realization that she had had enough. She had always done everything that was expected of her; became a diplomat, became queen, carried the torch of peace for the whole galaxy. And what did she have to show for it? Nothing. She had her job, but that was just superficial. She had her brother, that she hadn't seen in three years, and had talked to a handful of times since then. No, she had no friends, no loves, no life.

_Life is short, but this time it was bigger_

She had never done anything for herself. And after all this time, all she really wanted was to get away. She wanted some peace, for herself for once. And then came the anger, at everyone, even herself. Everyone else for making her what she was, herself for letting them do it. All she wanted was to scream, loud and long. She slid down the bed, taking another long draw on the bottle, and flipped over to bury her head in the pillow.

Then she screamed; long, loud, and baleful. She screamed until she didn't have anything left to scream about or with. She felt so lethargic, so warm. Almost too warm, but she couldn't find the strength to move. She felt fuzzy, light headed. And sleepy. But sleep brought the nightmares! Oh well...with as fuzzy as she felt, maybe the nightmares would finally leave her alone...Yeah, that would be nice...

_Than the strength she had to get up off her knees._

**Relena's Appt. 9am, The Next Day**

Falen looked at his watch as he walked up the steps to Relena's apartment building. '9am. Right on time,' he thought. 'Hope she's ready, cause she's got a pretty full load today at the office.'

His smile, and good mood, both died when he opened the door and seen the _other_ object of his thoughts, not the pleasent ones, standing in front of Relena's door. His eyes narrowed and he fairly growled at the man.

"What are _you_ doing here, Yuy? Don't you think you've done enough to her?"

Heero turned to look at the venomous voice addressing him.

"Falen. Not that it's any of your business, but I thought I'd check on her." Heero wasn't suprised to see Relena's bodyguard, though he thought that he had already been here.

"About what?"

"That is between Relena and myself."

"That's where you're wrong, Yuy. You're not her fiance anymore. Nor are you part of her security or entourage, so that makes you _nobody_ to her. And that **makes** you and any contact you want with Lady Peacecraft, my business."

Heero's eyes narrowed. "Fine. Yesterday could have been a... 'painful' event for her. I just wanted to be sure she was alright."

"Well, why you care I'll never know, but yes, last night sucked for her. But she's fine. I took care of her. I made sure she got back here safe and sound. Now why don't you get lost before she realizes you're here. I don't want you upsetting her anymore than you already have, Yuy."

The very idea of someone else caring for Relena made Heero decidedly uncomfortable. But something else was starting to bug him.

"You said you got her back here in good shape last night?"

Falen sighed. "Yes. I did so personally."

"Then why are you here, now? Shouldn't she be at work already?"

Falen was starting to wonder where this was going. "I told her to sleep in today. Why?"

Heero was looking at Relena's door again. "Because she wouldn't answer the door."

"She probably didn't want to talk to you, Yuy."

Heero shook his head. "No. That's not Relena. I was pounding on this door hard enough to wake the dead. If nothing else, she would've answered the door long enough to tell me to get stuffed. So either she's not here or something's wrong!"

Falen went to the door and knocked hard. "Lady Peacecraft? It's me, Falen. Open the door." No answer. Knock again. "Relena?" Falen tried the knob. Locked. He checked the deadbolt. Solid.

Falen looked at Heero. Heero nodded. Both men pulled out sidearms and took up a position in front of the door. And on a silent count only they heard, they both rushed the door, busting it open. They both started searching the apartment, going room by room, until...

"Falen! Call 911, **_NOW_**!"

Heero had found Relena first. She was laying in bed, face down. And she didn't appear to be breathing. He pulled her over onto her back noticing two things straight off: her skin was bluish, and she was ice cold.

_They found her with her face down in the pillow,_

He started CPR right there. "Come on, Relena. Come on. Breathe!" 'Don't you give up on me now.' He kept it up, never stopping, never deviating his attention, until the EMT's arrived and took over, pushing him out of the way. Heero stood back and watched them work, continueing CPR and putting her on a stretcher. He bowed his head as they wheeled her outside to take her to the hospital.

"Heero, come on. We're leaving."

He looked up at Falen. "You go ahead. I'll be along in a few."

"But.."

"Go!" he snapped. "You're her head of security;Act like it! Go with her. I'll catch up."

Falen nodded and took off out the door.

Heero looked around the apartment, trying to figure out what had happened. He found no signs of forced entry, at least before _they_ had forced the door. There wasn't any recent leftovers in the fridge, so he couldn't place or dismiss poison. So he went back to the bedroom.

There he figured out what the strange taste in his mouth was. Whiskey. He'd tasted it on her mouth when he'd administered CPR to her. He found the nearly empty bottle lying on it's side on the bed. He also found something he recognized easily, her micro-recorder. It was next to the bottle, so he picked it up and inspected it. It looked like it had a recent memo recorded so he rewound it a second or two, then pushed play.

"I don't think I'll ever get over him, not in this lifetime. I loved him. I loved him with everything I had. And it wasn't enough. It never was. Sometimes I think back and wonder if he ever truely loved me. Or was it just my teenage fantasies deluding me still? I suppose I'll never know now. I guess it's better that way. This way I can still believe that, at one time, Heero loved me. I know I love him, even now. I always will. To the day I die. I love you, Heero."

_With a note that said, 'I'll love him till I die.'_

Falen found Heero still at Relena's apartment, sitting on her couch, staring at the wall. Before he could open his mouth, Heero spoke up.

"I know."

Falen nodded. "I figured you did."

Heero just closed his eyes. "It was pretty obvious, even from the beginning. Just tell me one thing: What was the cause of death?"

"Best they could tell from preliminaries, it was suffocation. Although I'm fairly certain that when they do the autopsy they'll find high enough levels of alcohol to have poisoned her too. There was enough I could smell it on her."

Heero nodded. "I tasted it on her. Suffocation fits. I just wanted to hear it. It looks like she got drunk and fell asleep face down in the pillow. Being drunk, she didn't even know she was in trouble till it was too late."

"What's going on here?"

Both men turned to look at the newcomer. Milliardo Peacecraft was staring at the remnants of the door. He looked up at them.

Falen was the first to respond. "Lord Peacecraft...I don't even know how to say this..."

"What? What's wrong? Where's Relena?"

"Canq Memeorial Hospital," came Heero's reply.

Milliardo turned to face him. "What? What happened? Une called and said something was wrong but she didn't say what."

Falen dreaded this part. "Lord Peacecraft, maybe you should sit down."

"Why? And stop calling me 'Lord'."

Heero stood up and looked at Milliardo. "It's like this, Zechs. Sit or fall, it doesn't matter. Either way, you'll probably hit the floor."

Falen didn't like how this was going. "Heero, maybe I..."

"No. He needs to hear this from me."

Milliardo looked at the Pilot expectantly.

"Relena died this morning."

"...What did you say?"

Heero steeled himself. "Relena died this morning. I killed her."

"**WHAT!**" "What!"

A heartbeat later found Heero plastered against the far wall with a ball of fury named Zechs ripping into him. Heero took hit after hit. What Falen couldn't understand was why Heero wasn't fighting back! By all accounts, Heero should be at least holding his own, if not wiping the floor with Zechs!

'If I don't stop them, Lord Peacecraft is going to kill him!'

Falen jumped into the fray and grabbed ahold of Milliardo, trying to get him to back off of Heero.

"Lord Peacecraft! Stop! Heero didn't kill her! Stop already!"

Milliardo stopped long enough to look at Falen. "What do mean? Heero said he killed her! Are you saying he lied?"

Falen shook his head. "I don't know why he said that. But I do know this: Relena wasn't killed by Heero; she died of suffocation. She was dead before Heero got here."

"It's true," came a soft voice from the doorway.

Everyone turned to see Quatre standing in the entry with a stoic Trowa standing behind him.

"We just came from the hospital," said Trowa quietly.

Quatre nodded. "We talked with the doctor. Initial investigations say suffocation, but he wants authorization to perform an autopsy. He believes there was more to it than that."

"Alcohol poisoning."

Everyone looked at Heero.

"She fairly reeked of it. AND, I found an empty bottle of whiskey in her bed," Heero stated rather flatly.

"But why did you say _you_ killed her?" Milliardo asked.

"You needed to vent," he replied. "I made a convenient target. Now go, take care of your sister."

Milliardo stared hard at Heero for a long moment. "Alright, but when I return, you had better be gone, Yuy. You hear me?"

Heero nodded.

"We'll take you if you want," offered Quatre. And the three of them disappeared, leaving Heero and Falen alone in Relena's apartment.

"So, you just let him beat the crap out of you, for what? To let him vent?" asked Falen finally.

"I was the only one that could handle the beating he can dish out. Besides," Heero looked directly at Falen, "_Wasn't _I the one that killed her?"

Falen looked at Heero like he'd lost his mind. "You didn't hold her face downin the pillow. Did you?" He wasn't sure of anything with Heero anymore.

"No. But _why_ did Relena suffocate?"

"Because she was too drunk to move."

"And _why_ was she drunk?"

Heero watched as Falen put it together in his head.

"You blame yourself, don't you?"

Heero didn't answer him as he headed for the door.

"Heero, answer me. You think she killed herself because of you."

Heero didn't turn around, but said,"A Peacecraft will never be known for taking their own life. One of the very first things I ever said to Relena was that I'd kill her. I guess I finally did."

And with that being said, Heero walked out, leaving Falen with a very bad feeling.

**Kushrenada Memorial Cemetary for War Veterans**

**4 pm One week later...**

Following a press release prepared by Lady Une of the Preventers, a funeral was prepared for Lady Relena Peacecraft. The Preventers would act as her military honor guard on the motor route through the city for the public to express their mourning. And the Gundam Pilots would be her personal honor guard. Considering the semi-recent events, Heero and Duo offered to withdrawl from that place of honor.

"Oh, no you don't!" Milliardo bellowed at the two of them. He got right up in their faces. "After everything that's happened, the two of you should consider yourselves lucky I haven't killed you yet!"

Duo cringed slightly. "That's sorta the reason we offered to withdrawl. We didn't figure you'd want us there."

"That is exactly **why** I want you there. The Gundam Pilots have always protected her. They will do so again, one last time. And after everything that 'happened', you two _owe_ her that much, at least." That last bit was added as he looked straight at Heero. "Now, you two will suit up and take your place in the procession! NOW!"

Duo still looked dubious, but he nodded his aquiesence. Heero looked at Milliardo a moment, then said, "Mission Accepted."

And after the trip through the city to the cemetary, Heero, Duo,Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei joined Milliardo in carrying Relena up the hill to her final resting place beneath her favorite tree.

_And when we buried her beneath the willow,_

And as everyone came to silence for the sermon, the very heavens seemed to take notice.

_The Angels sang a Whiskey Lullaby._

_O.K._ What do you guys think?

I know it's angst-y, and I usually don't write death fics,

but this one just scratched and clawed it's way out.

And don't think it's over yet.

Stay tuned for Chapter 2: Heero's Lullaby


	2. Heero's Lullaby

**Gundam Lullaby**

**Chapter 2: Heero's Lullaby**

**-**

**Kushrenada Memorial Cemetary for War Veterans **

**4pm ...One Week after Relena's death...**

The Preventers, acting as Lady Peacecraft's personal honor guard, stood in silence at perfect attention at her funeral. And Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, stood in his place beside the grave where he personally helped place her, suddenly feeling cold. So cold he was numb, in fact. Everything except his heart anyway. And that hurt like hell.

The official Cause Of Death, c.o.d., was labelled asphixiation. A select **few** knew that she had suffocated in her pillow because she was too drunk to move. **Only** Heero knew what Relena truly died of: a broken heart. And he's the one that killed her.

Heero had been alone in Relena's apartment, after the EMT's had rushed her out, and he had searched for some clue as to what had happened. It was then that he'd found it, Relena's micro-recorder. He could still hear her voice in his head...

_'I loved him...I always will...I don't think I'll ever get over him, not in this lifetime...I love you, Heero...'_

Relena had died wondering if he had ever loved her the way she loved him. The answer was, 'No'. Relena had loved him with a purity of heart that Heero could never _hope_ to match. She loved him deeply, purely, and without reservation, the same way she trusted him. And he had violated both her love and trust all in the same act. An act of love, to be sure, but _that _fact had undoubtedly been lost on her.

You see, he DID love Relena, but he also loved Duo. Relena was more than just his lover and fiance, she was the light in the darkness of his soul. She was the reason he still reached for the light, the reason he still had ANY kind of hope for mankind as a whole.

Duo was his anchor in the dark. He was the one person who truly knew Heero. He knew what he thought, what he felt, and how to react to all the myriad blood stained aspects of Heero's soul. Duo was the one that kept Heero from completelyslipping over the edge of no return.

Duo had taught him how to have fun. Relena taught him how to live. They both taught him how to love.

Without either one, Heero wouldn't be half the man he was today. He loved them both. Ideally, he had wanted to tell Relena about Duo, wanted her to find out, just not the way that she did. No, that was cruel. A completely horrible fiasco of timing gone bad. Heero had actually wanted to explain things to Relena, but she had refused to talk to him. That's why he went to her apartment. He knew that their wedding date would have been a hard date for her to handle, but he'd **_never_** expected to walk into her bedroom to find her as cold and blue as an ice cube!

And as Heero helped lower Relena's casket into the ground, he wondered whether or not he was burying his heart along with her.

> > > > > > > > > > >

**Preventer's HQ Public Relations Room **

**2pm ...Monday... One Week after Relena's Funeral**

Lady Une looked out from behind the curtain seperating the podium from backstage. The audience area was packed. 'Soon...' she thought.

"Lady Une, everyone has arrived. The press conference is ready whenever you are," one of her aides informed her.

"Very well. Let's get this over with, shall we?"

Lady Anne Une parted the curtain to glide forward and take her place behind the podium. She surveyed the crowd and took a little satisfaction in the knowledge that everyone she had 'not-so-cordially' invited, downright demanded, showed up. She had 'invited' members from every major broadcasting company, t.v., radio, and printed, and a few minor ones, to come to this conference. And she hadn't just invited reporters, she wanted their bosses here to hear this.

The loud din hushed considerably when she emerged from behind the curtain. But just as she was opening her mouth several members stood up, asking questions. Lady Une's eyes narrowed as she gave the entire assemblage one of her patented 'Death Glares', one that could give Heero a run for his money.

A chill washed around the room, as everyone suddenly forgot how to speak. Heero was actually rather impressed as he watched from the sidelines. Une cleared her throat.

"First of all, this will be a statement only. There will _be_ no questions afterward." There were a few grumbles but noone spoke up.

"It is common knowledge that Princess Relena Peacecraft is dead. You have all done several stories on that news. This is where it ends. You have informed the entire system of the event. No one needs to know anything more. You will stop these slanderous reports immedeately."

_The rumors flew_

One of the producers from a large local cable network stood up. "Ever heard of the 1st Amendment? You can't just tell us what we can and can't put in our news segments. This isn't OZ, Lady Une."

Une's eyes narrowed again, and the chilly temperature in the room hit Absolute Zero, so to speak, and Heero thought that the producer was going to have a heart attack on the spot.

"You're right. I do not work for OZ anymore. I am the leader of the Preventers. And as such it **is** my right to tell you to stop slandering Princess Peacecraft's good name and memory." Lady Une's voice was every bit as chilly as her stare.

One of the others got brave enough to speak up, though in a much more respectful tone. "But, our viewers are asking what killed her. Most people know the official c.o.d., but they want to know why. Was there any other factors? Everyone knew about the princess's relationship with the Gundam pilot, Heero Yuy, and their subsequent breakup. It hasn't been lost on them that she died on what was supposed to be her wedding night. Rumors are starting to circulate that it might have even been suicide. How are we supposed to respond to that, if not trying to find out the truth?"

Lady Une's jaw clenched. "Princess Peacecraft's death was an accident, **not** suicide. As to her involvement with Mr. Yuy, that was between them. I'm sure that the timing of her death wasn't lost on him, either. I'm also sure that he mulls that fact over daily. He doesn't need you guys rubbing it in."

'That's for sure,' thought Heero as he watched and listened. He leaned his head back against the wall and remembered Relena's funeral. Not the public one, but the private affair that had been held for family and close friends...

(Flashback)

Heero had showed up with the rest of the Gundam pilots to give his regards and condolences, but only they knew that he had only gone at Quatre's behest.

"Come on, Heero. You've got to go."

"I don't _have_ to do anything," he'd retorted.

Quatre looked non-plussed. "No, but I know you never got to talk to her. I know she avoided you the whole last month. You never even got to say good-bye. And if you don't go to her viewing, you'll never have another chance. Can you live with that? Knowing you had one last chance to tell her good-bye and you didn't because you were too afraid to face her family?"

And so Heero had went. And as he took his turn beside her pale pink and white casket, Heero knew he couldn't say good-bye, not like this. So he left, only to return late after everyone else had left. He walked in, finding the funeral director wheeling her into a cold storage room, where she'd sit until the public parade two days from then. He had convinced the man to let him spend a few minutes alone with her so he could say good-bye without anyone else watching him. The man smiled sympatheticaly.

"I heard that she was the one that did the leaving. I was suprised you showed up at all, but it's good that you did. I believe the dead need _all_ their loved ones near so they can finally rest. You can stay, but only a few minutes, this room is **cold**."

Heero nodded and waited for the man to leave before opening the lid on her coffin. For a moment, Heero couldn't breathe. He just stood there, looking at her, for the first time letting it sink in that she was really dead. She looked too perfect to be dead, but when he touched one of her hands folded across her chest, he knew. The wonderful warmth that had been so uniquely hers, that had infused him with the strength to live time and again, was gone. And a tear finally fell.

"I don't know what I was thinking, coming here. You'd think I could give you some peace somewhere, huh? I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Sorry for hurting you, for betraying your trust, for not trying harder to be there for you when you needed it most. I should've gone to see you that night, but I couldn't. I _did_ call, but you were still out then.

You see, that night wasn't any easier for me, either. I still loved you, I still do, and it hurt knowing that I'd hurt you so bad and I couldn't even talk to you long enough to say I was sorry, let alone try to explain. Now I wish I'd tried harder.

I found your recorder. And yes, I listened to the message. I don't have the words to express how sorry I am to have hurt you, Relena. I know that it's my fault you're gone, and that's something I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. The only thing I can do, is answer your question and I can only hope that this helps you rest in peace, although I don't blame you if decide to haunt me the rest of my life.

Yes. I did truly love you. I still do. I always will. You were the light and warmth in my life. I never truly told you how much you meant to me. And again, all I can do is say I'm sorry. I love you, Relena."

_But nobody knew how much he blamed himself. _

(End Flashback)

Heero was finally drawn out of his reverie by Lady Une. "I want you all to think about this: No one is perfect. Not even Relena. We're all just human. We all make mistakes. And if you need a reason for her death, somone or something to blame, then maybe we should all take a good hard look at ourselves.

Relena was barely an adult and yet she had already lived _years_ in the service of the people. She did everything she could to try to protect us, to try to teach us that fighting wasn't the answer. And even went against everything she had been taught, and had taught, and finally raised us to arms to keep our freedom. She lived her life for us. Everything she did, she did with our well being in mind. Everything she was, we made her become. We sat her on a pedestal and demanded she show us the way to a new, bright future. And she did it. Without ever once complaining.

And if that pedestal hadn't been so high, she might have survived when she fell off of it. If we had treated her more like a person, and less like a goddess, then maybe she could've felt like she could come down and ask for help. But what's done is done. No one can change the past, no matter how hard we wish we could. And the only thing I can ask is that you not tarnish her memory with all this useless speculation. She isn't just some royal you can use for ratings. She was our Princess Peacecraft. The person that fought the _hardest_ for our peace. Maybe not on the battlefield, but definately in the hearts of the leaders of all the factions.

After everything she gave, and gave up, for us, she deserves better than what we're doing for her. Remember, **_we_** put her on that pedestal, **_we_** should make sure that's how she's remembered."

And with that said, Lady Une turned and left, leaving the assemblage to contemplate what she said in an awed silence.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

**Preventer's HQ Heero Yuy's Office Wednesday **

**10am ...11 1/2 Months Later...**

As days turn into weeks, so too do weeks turn into months. And while no one ever believes it at the time, life does go on. But try as Heero might, he just couldn't get into his life. His life was going on, but it was like he was a passenger watching the world go by. Not even his work held his attention, let alone any enjoyment, for very long.

Though Heero had given up his position as Relena's Head of Security, he still worked for the Preventers. But as Heero sat behind his desk, looking at his computer, he realized he was staring at the same document he had pulled up an hour ago. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on the screen again. A few minutes later he sighed and stood up.

'Maybe some coffee...' he thought.

Heero got up and headed to the break room only to run into the _other_ object of his thoughts. Duo stood there, oblivious to Heero's presence, as he kicked the coffee machine.

"Malfunctioning piece of shit! All I want is a hot chocolate! Errrr!"

Duo slammed his hand against the machine and it finally dropped a cup and began filling it. "Yeah! Finally!"

Heero shook his head and smirked. A small twitch of the lips really, but still evidence of amusement. Duo was a character, with a hell of a sense of humor. He loved him for it.

(Flashback)

Contrary to popular belief, Heero hadn't given up his position to Relena for Duo. He did it for his relationship with Relena. After they had become engaged, it seemed that all their constant contact was making them grouchy. Relena wanted space, Heero wanted to do his job and keep her safe. It all came down to the fact that they were spending _way_ too much time together, under stressful conditions, and they were bringing that stress home with them.

One night, after they had had a HUGE fight that ended in Relena storming out and peeling out of the driveway on her microbike, Heero had heard a soft knocking at the door. He had thought it was Relena and answered it by pulling the door open rather quickly, only to find Duo leaning against the doorjamb, his head sagging.

"Duo!"

Duo looked up at him and smiled. "I never thought I'd see _that_ look on your face, Yuy. Must've really shocked ya', huh? Can I come in?"

Heero moved aside, letting Duo in out of the rain. He showed Duo into the living room. After getting him a cola, Heero finally asked the one question that he'd been dying to: "Where have you _been_ for the last year and a half?"

Duo smiled and shrugged. "Here and there. You know me, I never could settle down in one place for long. Guess it's left over from the war. I just decided that I wanted to see a friendly face."

Heero quirked an eyebrow. " And _I_ qualified?"

Duo smiled. "Well, maybe not the friendly 'face' part, but the friend is true enough. I needed to see a friend. But, you know, if you don't want me here in your little love nest, I'll get lost again," he teased.

Heero's lips curled ruefully and he smacked Duo upside the head. "You just got here. There are plenty of rooms in this place and we have a lot of catching up to do." Heero shocked Duo by smiling, but it was the maniacal look in his eyes that worried Duo. "Besides, if I let you leave before 'Lena gets back, she'll skin me."

Duo's smile brightened considerably and the two of them sat there for hours catching up. During that time Heero became aware of something; something was wrong with Duo. He was cheerful, he was hyper, he was full of questions about Relena and Heero,...He was hiding something. Heero finally pried it out of him.

Duo sighed when Heero directly confronted him, throwing in that 'Yuy Death Glare' to punctuate that he meant business.

"Fine! Fine...I've been on L2 for the last year...with Hilde. We were trained together for a couple of months for a deep cover operation. Then they sent us into the thick of things. And, well...we got close..._real _close. You just don't spend that kind of time and contact with someone _without_ getting close. Well, long story short, we came to a disagreement over certain things and we couldn't get them straightened out."

Heero quirked an eyebrow again and Duo sighed, knowing he had better get this all out while he was at it, while he could. Besides, he didn't feel bad telling Heero. Heero's military clearance was probably higher than his, and he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Heero would never say a word about any mission that Duo asked him not to.

"We were supposed to pose as a married couple and infiltrate a fanatic ring on L2 that was training to be warriors, having children specifically for that purpose, training them, and sending them into combat situations as micro-terrorists. I took the mission because we knew first hand what that was like. Maybe not the family part, but the terrorist part. I didn't figure any other children should have to go through that.

Unfortunately, while _pretending_ to love Hilde, my heart decided it really _did_. So when I found out she was pregnant I was both elated **and** worried." If Duo's news had suprised Heero, he didn't show it. "Hilde and I knew that pregnancy was a possibility, what with the nature of the mission, but neither of us had really expected it. To our credit though, it brought us closer. I really loved her, and I thought she loved me.

But when it looked like we were going to close in on the leaders of the ring and bring it down, I couldn't convince her to leave and let me do it. She **had** to be in the front line. We fought long and hard on the subject until she finally conceded to stay in the back lines. But when the fighting began, she still ended up getting hurt."

The look of anguish on Duo's face told Heero what was coming, but he stayed silent so his friend would continue to purge himself.

"She took a bullet for me. I never even saw it coming. I was going to get shot in the back and she dive-rolled right into me, knocking me outta the way, and getting shot herself. When we got her to the hospital she was bleeding profusely and they performed emergency surgery. It wasn't until much later that I learned that she lost the baby.

I blamed myself. She blamed herself. I tried to take care of her, but she didn't want anything to do with it. We ended up getting recalled right after that. The mission was over and Sally Po wanted Hilde back here where she could check her over herself. So they gave us both some time off. We worked deep cover for a year, so they gave me a solid month. But when I got here, all I could think of was looking you up. I hope you don't mind."

Heero shook his head. "No, I don't mind."

Duo smiled again. " Great! You know, this is the most I've ever heard you say. Some things DO change, I suppose."

Heero smirked. "Relena's rubbed off on me, I guess. When we decided to live together she insisted I learn to talk more. I don't think she likes the silence too much. Having you here could be beneficial for both of us. I'm sure she'll have tons of questions for you and maybe a different face around here will ease the tension."

It was Duo's turn to quirk an eyebrow. "Is there something wrong between you two?"

Heero shook his head. "No, but," he sighed. "Sometimes it seems like all we do is get on each other's nerves."

"Are you still her Head of Security?"

Heero nodded.

Duo shook his head and said, "No wonder! You guys are together too much! You need space."

Heero thought about that. "I guess we _do_ see an awful lot of each other. But we don't always fight at home, usually just over things related to work."

Duo nodded. "I know what you mean. Hilde and I never fought unless it was over something about the mission. Which presents an interresting quandry; sometimes I think we would've been just fine together if we could've gotten away from the mission, but without the mission we wouldn't have been together in the first place. Humph, figures. BUT, you two don't have that problem."

Heero looked at him questioningly.

"_YOU_ don't _have_ to see each other in a work environment."

"What? Are you suggesting I quit being her bodyguard?"

Duo nodded, but Heero shook his head.

"I can't! I could never trust anyone else with her safety! There isn't anyone else in the security force that has the training necessary to keep her out of trouble. No one but us, anyway. And I'm not going to ask any of you guys to watch her for me. She's my responsibility and I'll take care of her."

Duo looked at him intently. "Is your responsibility worth the cost of your relationship? You better think about that, and hard. Because if you're not willing to give up your position then you two aren't make it. But if the thought of losing her hurts worse than the idea of someone else watching out for her, then maybe you should figure out what that means to you."

Heero _had_ thought about, for days. Then he decided that maybe Duo was right. Maybe he _should_ give up his position to save their relationship. He hadn't even admitted it to himself really, but their fights had been getting worse. But if he was going to put her safety in someone else's hands, he was going to make damn sure they were qualified for the job.

Enter Falen. He was young but good. Cocky but dedicated. Brash but unstoppable. He reminded Heero of himself. But before he would hand Falen this position, he would make him earn it. Heero put Falen through three months of **_extremely intensive_** training. It was reminicent of the training the Gundam Pilots had been put through and Falen did remarkably well. When the training was done Heero knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Falen would be able to fulfill all of the obligations this position would bring.

(End Flashback)

"Oh! Hi, Heero. Didn't see ya' there. What's up?"

Heero shook himself out of his reverie, just in time to realize Duo was talking to him.

"I'm sorry. What did you ask?"

Duo looked at him worriedly. "Are you o.k., Heero?"

"Yeah. I'm just a little distracted lately. I zoned out for a minute there."

"You seem to be doing that alot lately. Is there something you want to talk about? You know I'm here if you do."

"NO!"

Duo looked taken aback, then hurt, but he covered it quickly with a well-faked smile and put up his hands defensively.

"Hey! No problem! I don't know what I was thinking. I know you'd talk to me if you needed to. Sorry." /Silence/ "Well...I have paperwork to get back to. I'll see ya' later, 'Ro."

Duo made to skirt by the silent man in the doorway.

'Man, What am I doing! I can't treat Duo like this!'

"Duo, wait."

Duo stopped and turned to face Heero with that infernal 'smile' in place. "Yes?"

Heero looked at the floor, suddenly finding it very intriguing.

"Duo, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm _not _alright. In fact, I suck. I'm putting up enough of a front for both of us, please don't put one up for me."

The fake smile dropped, replaced by a sympathetic grin.

"I know, Heero. I'm just worried about you. You aren't talking, you barely eat, you can barely concentrate on your work. It's just not _you_. I know! Why don't you go home and relax? Une gave you your week's vacation off, but you wouldn't take it. Well, if not a week, why not a day or two?"

Duo pulled a 20 dollar bill out of his pocket and stuffed it in Heero's hand. "Take this and go get something to eat. Rent some movies. Something! Go relax and I'll see you at home later."

Heero looked like he was going to protest but a feminine voice interupted him. "That sounds like a good idea."

Both men turned to see Lady Une standing in the doorway. But before either of them could do or say anything, Lady Une cut them off saying,"Heero, you need a break. I don't care if you think you do or not. I'm ordering you to take at least three days leave." When Heero opened his mouth, she said,"No buts, Mr. Yuy. You're worthless in the office right now and I don't have a proper mission for you to go on where you can vent by blowing some poor bastard off the face of the planet. So go!"

Heero managed a quiet, "Yes, ma'am," and told Duo that he'd see him later. Then he went back to his office, shut down his computer and grabbed his coat. But as he was slipping it on, he caught sight of a picture on his desk. He and Relena, sitting on a bench in the park. She was feeding the swans at the pond in the park. He was appearently watching the perimeter instead of the swans. In actuality, he was watching her. He could remember the way the sunlight danced across the cap of her head. It had made the blonde look absolutely golden...Had it really been almost _a year_, _already_?

Heero shook his head, shrugging into the coat and leaving the office.

'Remebering isn't going to help you, Yuy. So just stop it! You can't do anything to bring her back, so you had better find something constructive to do for the next three days. If you don't take them, Lady Une will probably put you in for psych eval and then relieve you of your post until further notice. No. Just relax, spend the three days...however, and then go back to your life!'

But for the life of him, Heero couldn't think of anything he wanted to do...until...

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

**814 Cherry Blossom Drive... 8pm... Same day...**

Duo pulled up and parked just outside the front door of the house. It was amazing that he could see over the pile of stuff he had on the bike with him. He had stopped to get something for them to eat, and had rented a movie. He knew Heero never would. 'Hell,' he thought, 'Heero's probably laying in bed pretending to sleep.'

Duo shook his head, wondering exactly who Heero thought he was trying to fool. He knew Heero was having trouble sleeping. He barely got more than an hour or two before the nightmares started. He was barely eating one meal a day, and those were never finished. He was slowly slipping away. He wouldn't even talk much anymore.

During the month Heero and Relena had been broken up, Duo had been there for Heero to vent and even, yes, cry...though Duo would never admit it to anyone. Many nights Duo had lain awake, holding Heero and listening as he vented his feelings and frustrations. He had advised Heero to talk to her and try to explain things, try to get their relationship back together.

Duo had blamed himself, over and over, for their breakup. Heero had told him that it was nonsence. Duo was no more to blame than Relena had been. Heero took all the blame and wouldn't hear of anything else about it. Thinking back, Duo couldn't even figure out how they had gotten _that_ close. Duo and Heero had always been close friends. They had been in some awfully tight spots together during the war. They had formed a bond between them and found the only solace they needed in each other.

But as the war had worn on, Duo couldn't help but notice the feelings that Heero was trying to hide for Relena. So after the war ended, Duo had jumped at the first mission that would take him away and give Heero some space to be with Relena. And when he had come back to Earth and decided to find Heero, he had swore he wouldn't come between them. 'You sure as hell fucked that one up, dumbass!'

He grabbed the packages off the bike and headed into the house.

Heero had heard Duo pulling up the drive long before he actually came in the house. That was fine. It gave him time to brush his teeth, gargle and and pop in a fresh piece of gum. By the time Duo walked in the door, Heero was in the kitchen, reaching under the sink. Unfortuneately, in his current state, Heero ended up falling on his head, just to look up at a very worried looking Duo.

"Are you o.k.? I heard something crash! What's wrong?"

Heero waved him off with one hand while trying to help himself up with the other. "I'm fine. Just help me up."

Duo held out a hand to Heero, but the hand he got was the one that came out from under the sink. It was bloody.

"Heero! You're bleeding! What's going on?" Before Heero could stop him, Duo pulled the cabinet door open and found a broken bottle with Heero's blood all over it. He pulled what was left of a whiskey bottle out from under the sink. He held it up for Heero to look at.

_For years and years_

"Heero, what's this?"

Heero looked at him like he was stupid. "What's it look like?"

"It looks like a bottle of whiskey. Matter of fact, it's the same brand that Relena drank herself to death with! What are you trying to **do**!"

"Oh, stop it, Duo! I'm fine. I just wanted a drink."

"Then how come you're hiding it from me. We _always_ drink together. I would've joined you when I got home. Why hide the bottle?"

"Because I knew how you'd react to the brand. Just so happens I _like_ that brand. And for your information, I've been drinking alone for years. Was even in the war. I just didn't get drunk. That would've been sloppy."

Duo could hear Heero, he just didn't believe it. Heero, drinking? O.k., so he could believe that part, but during the war? No, something was wrong. But with Heero's mood, Duo knew he better take things slowly.

"Heero, why don't you let me help bandage that hand?"

Heero jerked his hand away from Duo. His patience was starting to wear thin. He wasn't a baby that needed taken care of!

"**Stop it, Duo!** I don't need your help! I don't need **your's** or **anyone's**!"

"Well, you need **someone's** help! And right now, I'm all you've **got**!" Duo's own patience was starting to stretch a little thin.

"I've done just _fine_ on my own all these years!"

"You haven't _been_ on your own all these years. You've had us. We weren't always in the same place, but we were always on the same page. And we were always there for each other if it was needed."

Heero looked at Duo. His voice was calm and consoling. For some reason that just pissed him off even more.

"**I don't need your sympathy! Stop coddling me! I'm not Hilde! You don't need to protect me from anything! Matter of fact, I don't even know why you're still here!"**

Duo looked at Heero like he had just shot him in the heart!

"Heero, I-"

"**Go! LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!**"

Duo didn't know what to say, but he knew he couldn't just stay here and scream at Heero. He stood up abruptly and walked out. Out of the kitchen, out of the house, out of Heero's life...Just like Heero wanted.

_He tried to hide the whiskey on his breath._

Even though Heero knew he had been completely out of line with the crack about Hilde, he knew it was the only way to drive Duo back to her. You see, Heero never thought he and Duo would be together forever. He figured that eventually Duo would realize the same thing He had, on all those nights they had lain together talking: Duo still loved Hilde. Even after being with Heero for over a year, Duo still held a bright torch for the lovely lady. Heero didn't blame him. He still held a torch for Relena that not even death could extinguish.

Heero leaned his head back against the cabinet and sighed.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

The mood at work was little better. Every time Duo was around, Heero would either ignore him or go out of his way to be a completely cold and heartless prick. After a week, Duo finally got tired of it. Heero had been particularly nasty and rude to him that day. It probably helped that Hilde was at the office visiting Sally, and Heero had chosen to cause his scene in front of the infirmery. Which was a good thing because he pushed Duo far enough that he actually decked him. Heero had, of course, retaliated by slamming his fist solidly into Duo's stomach, winding him long enough for Heero to talk to Lady Une and explain everything before she could hear about it and blame Duo too.

Heero had went straight to Une's office . After seeing the black eye Heero was sporting from Duo, she had demanded an explanation. Heero, in typical soldier style, told her everything, from _his_ point of view, taking complete blame for the event.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Yuy. You realize this, of course, or you wouldn't be playing so well." She shook her head sadly. "You and Maxwell are two of my best agents. Do you realize what your little antics are going to do to the group!"

Heero looked at her with a straight face. "It will blow over, Une. You know Duo. He can't stay mad at anyone for very long. Besides, as soon as he's solidly back with Hilde, I'll stop being such an asshole to him."

"Yes, but what do I do until then? Hmm? He'll never get over it if you're in the office everyday, pushing him towards Hilde. In fact, that could hurt more than help."

Heero nodded. "That's why I've come with this." He handed her a datapad. She took it skeptically, but read the request form, then looked up at Heero questioningly.

"You want to take _all_ of your vacation at once? All 5 weeks!"

Heero nodded. "More like 4 1/2. Remember, I've already taken three days off. But this way, Duo and Hilde will have time to get to know each other again and I won't be in the way. Plus, I won't be here to be an ass to him, so he'll get over it. By the time my vacation is over, he won't be mad at me anymore. I'll make sure of it."

Une looked at Heero skeptically again, but didn't voice her doubts.

"O.k., Heero. You win. Take your shit and get out. I don't want to see you for a month. Got it?"

Heero saluted. "Yes, Ma'am!"

When Heero got back to his desk he quickly wrote out a letter to Duo telling him to come by after work and get his shit out of _His_ house. He re-read it and nodded, figuring it would do the trick. Then he put his coat on, not really figuring he needed anything else from his desk. That's when he caught sight of the picture of he and Relena again. Something squeezed his heart rather painfully for a moment. The picture of he and Duo did nothing to help that feeling. After a moment's hesitation, Heero picked up both pictures and slid them into his coat and left the building, stopping only long enough to drop his note on Duo's desk.

Then Heero went home, packed up Duo's belongings, put the boxes in the front foyer, and left. He went to the bar and stayed there. Somewhere around 3am the bar closed and Heero found himself sitting in the back of a cab, heading for home. When he got there, Heero noted that Duo's boxes were all gone. He nodded in satisfaction, even as the painful squeezing resumed around his heart. He sighed and reached into the bag he brought home from the bar and pulled out a fresh bottle of whiskey. He settled on the sofa, pulled out the pictures from his desk, and popped the top on the bottle. Finally, he passed out after matching shots with the invisible demon named Memories, and an empty bottle slipped from his grasp to hit the floor, unnoticed.

_He finally drank his pain away, a little at a time,_

The next couple of weeks were spent pretty much the same way. Heero spent time thinking, of all the time he had spent with the people that matter to him. He thought long and hard about the war, his time with Duo during missions, and his limited contacts with Relena.

He spent the time to figure out everything he felt for both of them. And, Yes, it hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt, including self-destruction. If not for his constant companion, 'Jack', he would never have been able to keep at it. 'He' made Heero numb enough to sort out all his feelings. He knew he had to, otherwise he'd never be worth shit again, at work or anywhere else, for that matter.

Unfortunately, even being drunk wasn't enough to get rid of the nighmares. If anything, it made his only escape route, waking up, useless. He couldn't get coherent enough when he was drunk. They played over and over in his head; times with Relena, both good and bad. The good made his heart heavy with sadness. The bad made his heart ache so that all he could do was curl up into a ball of despair, and pray that he'd either wake up or die.

_But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind. _

After about a week he figured out that, No, he probably would _never_ be worth a shit again. He started writing then. Poems, letters, anything he felt he needed to get out of his system found it's way onto his laptop. Finally, he did something he had been putting off for nearly a year.

On the morning of the one year anniversary of her death, Heero found himself walking up to the grave of one Relena Peacecraft. He saw the large angel that made up the majority of her tombstone long before he got to it. As he walked up, he was startled to see someone else kneeling at the gave. Falen. He was saying something quietly as he laid a bouquet on the ground.

Heero backed behind a large gravestone as Falen neared. He wasn't really suprised when he stopped beside it and said, "Nice try, but you should have known better. _You_ trained me after all."

Heero smirked a little. "Yeah, I know. It's good to see you haven't lost the skills. Whatcha doing nowadays?"

Falen looked at him as he came out from behind the stone. "I'm still with the Preventers. They kept me in personal protection though. Right now I'm on assignment to Lord Milliardo Peacecraft and family."

Heero nodded, trying not to wince at the name of his almost brother-in-law. "That's good. They'd be stupid to let go of someone like you."

Falen looked at Heero as if he just spoke to him in another language. Heero just chuckled. "Yes, that was a compliment. I know I didn't give you many of them during your training, but I figure I can afford a few now. But don't get used to it. I'm on vacation right now, afterwards I'm back to 'Hard Ass Yuy'."

Falen smiled at the mention of the nickname that he and a few of the other guys had called him during training runs. But something didn't seem right about him. He seemed...off. And he didn't like that. Something bad always happens when someone feels like that to him.

"This isn't going to come out right, so I'll just say it. You look like hell. Are you alright?"

Heero shook his head. "No. But then, you didn't really expect me to be perky, not today, did you?"

Falen shook his head. "I guess not. Well, I guess I'll let you do what you came to do. You take care of yourself, alright, Yuy?"

Heero nodded. "Sure. You take care of the Peacecrafts."

Falen nodded and smirked. "Mission already accepted."

Heero smirked too. "Get out of here." He shook his head, turned and headed for Relena.

Heero walked up to Relena's graveside and kneeled beside it, placing the dozen red roses and forget-me-nots he carried next to Falen's bouquet.

"Well, 'Lena, I guess you know why I'm here. It's been a year since you left us. Since you left me. I keep going over the night you died, wondering if there was anything I could've done. I keep thinking of numerous possiblities. But I guess none of it matters now, does it? You're gone. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it." Heero's head hung a little lower. "And to think, it's my fault. I always said that I'd protect you, but in the end, I couldn't protect you from myself."

Heero pulled out a small silver flask from his jacket and took a swig of the contents. "Remember what I said about loving you forever, no matter what? It's true. I still love you. Even death hasn't stopped or lessened my love for you. I know, I know. What about Duo?" Another drink. "Yes, I love him too. But I'm hoping that I can do for him what I couldn't for you. I could never walk away from you for good. I always came back. I keep thinking that maybe if I had stayed gone...maybe, just maybe...you'd still be alive." Another drink.

"I already have your blood on my hands, I don't want his too. And don't worry about Duo. I've already set things in motion for him and Hilde. They'll finally have the chance they deserve. I've seen to everything. Oh! By the way, I'm selling the house. I hope you don't mind. Quatre's seeing to the details for me. I know he'll make sure everything's on the up and up. Never can tell about _my_ head lately." Another drink. "Hell, I shouldn't be here, burdening you with all this." Heero stands then, corking and putting away the flask before giving her guardian angel tombstone a snappy salute. "Hope you're having a nice afterlife, Relena."

_Until the night,_

_-_

**814 Cherry Blossom Drive ...Same night... 10pm**

Heero found himself in what he now referred to as 'His Spot'. It was basically a divet made in a huge pile of pillows on the bed. He had everything he needed close by; the phone, the remote, his ever-present 9mm and his bottle. 'Jack' had become a constant companion this last week. Heero somewhat doubted he would've made it through these last few days if not for the numbing effects of his 'friend'.

Heero raised his bottle in a toast to his liquid drinking buddy. "To you, Jack. May you never run dry."

After a long swig, Heero picked up the remote, pointed it at the t.v. and pressed 'Play'. The video started playing scenes from his life; snipets captured by his cockpit recorder, snipets caught by Duo, long pieces taped by Relena. Heero had sat down with all the home movies and put together what he hoped would be a suitable message to anyone who found it.

It showed his life. Or what he thought of when he thought about it. His life during the war, after Duo disappeared, during his time with Relena, and finally his time with both of the people he loved. There was nothing after the time Relena died, because, as far as he was concerned, he had died then too. Relena was his light. Duo was his anchor. Without either one he was broken. The Perfect Soldier wasn't so perfect after all. He had brought ruin down on himself when he had wounded Relena so badly she had died from the heartbreak. He wouldn't do that to the only person in his life that still mattered.

No, he was going to do this to protect Duo. Protect him like he couldn't protect Relena. He thought about the letter that would be delivered tomarrow and winced. Duo wouldn't be happy, but at least he'd be safe. Heero took another long draw on the bottle and then checked his 9mm. It was just fine. Locked, cocked, and ready to rock. He laid back on the pillows and took a deep breath...and promptly sat back up.

He'd forgot something. He made his way to the edge of the bed and stood up...Only to crumple to the floor. He shook his head. "No, Heero. Up and at 'em. Won't find it sittin' on the floor."

He tried to get to his feet again and finally managed it. Standing accomplished. Walking...that was another matter. It was more of a wobbly, bounce-off-the-nearest-wall sort of shuffle, but it got him down the hall. Somehow he made it to the closet where his jacket hung. "It's a good thing I moved my bedroom downstairs. If I'd had to come down the stairs, I might've broken my neck or something..."

He laughed at the irony therein.

Finally he found what he was looking for and shuffled his way back into the bedroom. He laughed at the blurry pictures his fuzzy head was showing his mind's eye to represent the room. Then he found the edge of the bed and his bottle. He picked it up, swirling the contents as he gauged how much was left.

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,_

"One drink. Well, bottom's up, I suppose." Heero tipped it up and drank the last of the bottle down. Then fuzzy became dizzy and he laughed as he caught himself swaying backward. He leaned forward, reaching out toward something he left on the bed, but his balance was no better forward than backward, and he found himself falling facedown into the pile of pillows, laughing like a loon.

Soon though, Heero started feeling breathless. He'd laughed himself silly and he couldn't even find the strength to move. 'Oh, well.' He thought. 'Maybe a short nap...' And as he let himself drift off into the deep, heady warmth, he wondered if this was how she'd gone. 'Was it this warm? Was it this easy, painless even? I hope so. I hope she didn't suffer...I hope...'

_And finally drank away her memory._

_-_

**Preventer's HQ Duo Maxwell's Office... Noon ...The Next Day**

It had been two weeks since Duo had even laid eyes on Heero and frankly, he was starting to get worried. He _did_ miss the jerk, but it wasn't really that...it was the nagging feeling in the back of his skull that said something was wrong. He'd tried to blow it off for the first couple of days this week, but it was getting increasingly harder. If it wasn't for Hilde actually talking to him and meeting him for lunch everyday, Duo would've probably already found the knucklehead and drug an explanation of his current behavior out of him.

Duo's lips twisted into an un-Duo-like frown as he thought about that too. He'd never known Heero to be a heavy drinker, let alone a drunk, but everything he'd heard lately put Heero deep in the bottle. He sighed. With the significance of yesterday's date, Duo figured Heero had a right to be drunk for a week. But his vacation was almost over and he had _better_ be sober when he returned to work, otherwise Lady Une'll have his nuts on the chopping block.

"Knock, Knock," Hilde's voice interrupted Duo's darkly amusing thoughts.

Duo looked up at her smiling. "Hiya. To what do I owe _this_ pleasure?" he asked as she came into his office.

Hilde returned the smile and said,"The same as _every_ day here lately; I wanted to know if we were still on for lunch."

Duo looked at his watch. "Shit! I'm sorry, Hilde. Time just got away from me! Err! Our reservations are probably null and void by now. Can I make it up to you?" he asked hopefully, putting on his best puppy-dog pleading look.

Hilde laughed, still smiling at him. 'How did I think I could ever go without missing him?' she thought to herself. Aloud she said,"It's o.k., Duo. It's not like we haven't eaten almost _every day_ at Mario's this week. We'll just find something else that appeals. That is, IF your work is permitting. You looked pretty deep in thought when I came in."

Duo shook his head. "Nah. I wasn't even thinking about work, to be honest."

Hilde smiled sympathetically. "Heero again?" Duo nodded. "Then why don't you go over and see him?"

Duo looked up at her. She knew about _everything_, even his history during the war. He owed her that much. And she had taken it all in stride. But she still amazed him with her understanding. She smiled down at him, coming around his desk and perching on the corner.

"Duo, if you're so worried about him, go check on him. I'll be here when you return. I'm not going anywhere. I know how much he means to you. I know he'll _always_ mean alot to you. After all, the strongest feelings find their base in friendship, and you two were best friends **_long_** before you were more." She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips before pulling back to smile at him. "Now get out of here. I'll tell Une something."

Duo smiled, gently squeezing her arm as he stood up. "You're the best, Hilde!" Duo shrugged into his jacket and was about to walk the door when a currier showed up.

"Maxwell? Duo Maxwell?"

"Yes?"

"Delivery for ya'. Sign here please."

Duo took the electronic clipboard and scrawled his name across the line for acceptance of delivery. The currier handed over a medium sized manilla envelope and tipped his hat saying, "Later, Maxwell."

Duo looked at the package curiously. Hilde echoed his thoughts aloud. "Wonder what that is?"

"No return addy." He turned it over, ripped open the back and dumped the contents on his desk. Out came a letter, a picture, and a set of keys. Duo picked up the keys and got a very bad feeling. "Heero," he whispered as he grabbed the letter and began scanning it.

Hilde picked up the picture and said,"It's a picture of you and Heero."

"Oh, no," Duo's voice was a bare whisper, which just made it more startling when said, very loudly,"SHIT!"

"What!" Hilde almost jumped out of her skin.

Duo was already flying out the door and down the hall, yelling back, "Hilde! Call 911 and have an ambulance meet me at 814 Cherry Blossom Drive!" And then he was gone.

Duo flew down the streets, racing to get to Heero's house. And after several shortcuts and near fatal misses, Duo finally screeched to a halt in front of Heero's front door. He bounded off the bike, barely turning it off, and ran up the steps. Realizing the door was locked, he quickly jammed the key in the deadbolt and let himself in.

"Heero!" No answer.

He ran down the foyer to the staircase and bounded up the them three at a time, racing toward the bedroom at the end of the upstairs hall. He threw open the door, quickly searching the room.

"Heero?" But there was no one there.

So he raced across the hall to the guest bedroom and searched it.

"Heero!" But, again, no one.

"Dammit, Heero! Where are you?" Duo stood there, thinking, retracing his steps in this house that he knew so well. And then it hit him. And he was off and flying down the stairs again, heading for a storeroom on the backside of the kitchen that Heero had always talked about turning into another guest room. And when he threw the door open...

_**"HEERO!"**_

Duo dashed across the room to the prone figure of his friend, laying halfway acoss the bed. Duo flipped him over, a chill running up his spine at the very lack of warmth in Heero's body.

_We found him with his face down in the pillow,_

Duo could already tell that there was no saving him. He was dead. And had been for some time now. He had the oddest look on his face; oddly content, almost happy. And Duo wondered about that, knowing how few times Heero felt like smiling, and wondering how he could _possibly_ have felt like it last night.

Duo pulled Heero tighter into his arms and let out a baleful howl that surely imprinted intself into the hearts of the nearby angels so that if they were ever asked what a breaking heart sounded like, they'd know. The sounds of sirens and emergency workers were completely lost on him until a familiar voice broke into his thoughts.

"Duo? Duo, hun. We need to check him. Come on, Duo. Turn loose," Sally Po's soft voice coaxed him back out of the haze of pain. He blinked back the tears to look at her blurrily.

"S-Sally," his voice broke on her name. "He's...'s gone. Heero's gone, Sally!" The tears poured over his lashes again, further breaking angelic hearts.

Sally wrapped an arm around Duo's shoulders and squeezed gently. "Shhh. I know, Duo. I know. But I need you to turn loose of him, Duo."

Duo shook his head, almost violently, not willing to give Heero up to the Coroner, even if it _was_ Sally, because that would mean giving him up to the Reaper, and he just couldn't do that.

"Duo," a different voice coaxed. Gentle hands slid down his shoulders, to slowly tug his hands free of Heero's body. When he lost his grip on Heero, he twisted around to grab hold of the person that pulled him away. Those same gentle arms encircled him, stroking his hair, and holding him close. The tears came fast and furious, the sobs choking him. "Shhh, Duo. Shhhhhh. It's o.k. Shhhhh."

Sally looked at the two kneeling on the side of the bed. She gently touched Hilde's shoulder, getting her attention. "Maybe you should get him out of here, at least till he calms down a little." Hilde nodded. And somehow, she managed to coax Duo to his feet and out into the living room, where they promptly collapsed on the couch.

After a few minutes, Sally came in to talk to them. Hilde was still holding Duo, but the tears seemed to have dried up for the moment. Hilde looked up at her, then whispered something into Duo's ear. Duo straightened himself up and the two of them looked at her expectantly. Sally couldn't even find it in her to smile, not even for Duo. Finally she said the only thing she could think of, "I'm sorry."

Duo shook his head. "Why should you be sorry? _I'm_ the one that didn't make it here in time. I _knew_ something was wrong! Dammit!"

"NO!" _That_ got his attention. It wasn't often Sally yelled at _him_, Wufei-yes, Duo-No. "That's no way to go about dealing with this, Duo! Enough people have died because they fell guilty or they've just plain given up! Now pull it together, Maxwell. Heero needs you."

Duo looked at her in shock, then anger. "What do you know about it! You're not the one that left him alone when he obviously needed it most! I am! _ME_! It's **_my fault Heero's dead_**!"

Then Sally did something she very rarely did;she slapped him. Duo stared at her in shock, his hand covering the throbbing spot on his face. But before either Hilde or Duo could say something, Sally held out something to them. Duo looked at her hand and took what she offered. It was a picture. Duo felt his eyes water again, but blinked back the tears.

"It's Heero and Relena," said Hilde as she took the picture from him.

Duo nodded. "It was taken just before they broke up. They were celebrating two years together."

"They certainly look happy," Hilde said, looking up at Sally. "But why did you bring this to Duo?"

"Because I didn't want to deal with it at the office." Duo looked at her quizzically. "I had to pry it out of his hand, Duo. He was clutching it fiercely. I'm amazed I didn't rip it. And I knew you'd know what to do with it."

_Clinging to her picture for dear life._

Duo nodded. "Thank you, Sally."

Sally nodded. "I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna get all this over with as quickly as I can, so we can put him to rest. I can't say anything officially, but it looks like he went the same way she did." She made Duo look at her. "Guilt can kill. Enough people have found that out. Stop the chain here and get over it."

She straightened up and headed for the door, but stopped and looked over her shoulder. "For what it's worth, it was an accident. And probably painless." And then she was gone.

Duo looked at the picture as a single tear fell. Hilde hugged him again. "It's o.k., Duo. I'm right here. I'll help in any way I can."

"Thanks, Hilde. I may need it."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

**Kushrenada Memorial Cemetary for War Veterans**

**One Week Later ...2pm...**

Duo stood at attention, staring unseeingly into space as the preacher started his sermon. The last place he wanted to be was standing here, beside Heero's grave, listening to a man who didn't even know Heero say words that had nothing to do with him. But stand there he did, along with Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Milliardo, and Falen.

(Flashback)

It was sort of a suprise when Milliardo and Falen had volunteered to be pall bearers at Heero's funeral. They had come up to Duo and Hilde together. Falen first, reaching out a hand to shake Duo's.

"How are you holding up, Maxwell?"

Duo shrugged. "As good as can be expected, I s'pose. It's not everyday you bury your best friend."

Falen winced a little, but nodded. "I know I never really showed it, but I had a lot of respect for him, y'know. He was a great man. I'll miss him."

Duo nodded.

"We all will," said Milliardo, taking his turn to shake a startled Duo's hand. He smirked a little. "Not often I suprise you, Duo."

"Well, I thought you still hated Heero's guts."

The elder Peacecraft sighed. "It's not really that I hated him, it was that I was disappointed in him. He promised me he would always take care of Relena." Shrug. "He didn't do it. Looking back, I realize now how hard a promise that was to fulfill. Better than anyone, _I_ should've known what she was like and how much of a pain in the ass she could be. And now," he sighed, "it's kind of a mute point to be mad at him, isn't it?"

Duo just shrugged and nodded, seeing the point. Falen spoke up, saying, "So, we heard you're a few pall bearers short. Could you use a couple extra pair of hands?"

Duo looked from Falen to Milliardo, suprise evident as he seemed to notice the dress uniforms for the first time. "Y-Yes. Um, I'm...not sure what to say. Thanks, maybe?"

Milliardo clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it. It's the least we can do. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to pay the knucklehead my last respects." He winked at them and walked toward Heero's casket.

"Hey, me too," said Falen. "But we'll be right here if you need us, okay?" Duo nodded and Falen headed off toward Heero and Milliardo.

Hilde squeezed Duo's hand then and said, "You haven't been up there yet, and they're gonna close the coffin soon."

Duo shook his head. "I'm not really sure I want to."

Hilde made him face her gently. "I know you don't _want_ to, but you **_need_** to. Now go." She gave him a gentle push that way.

Duo sighed and walked up to where Heero lay and waited for Falen to get done before he stepped up.

When he got his turn, Duo took a deep breath and stepped up to the coffin. His breath stopped as he looked at him. The undertaker here was wonderful. Heero didn't even look dead. He looked asleep. Duo had to watch his chest a moment to make sure he wasn't breathing. Finally he reached up and tucked something gently into the pocket on Heero's jacket.

"Here ya' go, 'Ro. I figured if you were clingin' to it when we found you, then you probably wanted it with you when you passed over." He shook his head. "I don't even know what to say to you. Or maybe screaming at you would be better." Another shake. "No. That won't do any good, either."

Duo sighed. "I guess I should say thank you for the house. You _knew_ I had went to Quatre for advice on a place and you conveniently put up _your_ house the next day. Although, if Quatre had had any idea what you were up to, he probably would've throttled you. But I'm sure he's already told you all about that." He sighed again.

"I've read your letter over and over, trying to make sense out of what you were thinking at the time, and finally I just let it go. I can't say I agree with what you had planned, but I can't say I don't understand either. I, more than anyone, knew what it was like to be left by someone you love. Not to mention how much you missed her. And I'll miss you, Heero. I just hope you're happy now. I hope, somehow, that maybe you've found her again and you're happy together."

(End Flashback)

Duo was drawn out of his reverie but the report of the 21 Gun Salute sounding off. Duo took his position as they prepared to lower Heero's casket into the matching grave beside Relena.

_We laid him next to her beneath the willow_

And Duo couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, by Heaven itself maybe, as he helped lay Heero to his final resting place.

"May Heaven open it's gates and grant you entance and rest after all you have done in the service of humanity. Rest in peace, Heero Yuy."

Duo shuddered slightly at the finality in the priest's words as he close the funeral proceedings.

_While the Angels sang a Whiskey Lullaby._

A few minutes later, Hilde came up and found Duo still looking at the twin graves. Duo spared her a small smile as she slid her hand into his. He brought it to his lips and said,"I know. We should go."

Hilde nodded but said, "If you need a little more time, I understand. Why don't I get the bike?"

Duo smiled and she kissed him on the cheek before turning to leave. Duo stood there for a moment, before he finally said, "I love you both. I'll miss you. I expect you two take care of each other now. There's no one left to get in the way. Make the most of it."

And then he turned away to walk toward the bike and a waiting Hilde. But at the last moment he turned to take one last look at the graves and smiled at what he saw. Relena was perched on her headstone, watching Heero as he stood up from his vantage point at the foot of the willow. He stepped within a couple of feet of her before stopping. She smiled and held her arms out to him. He stepped up and embraced her, pulling her off the headstone and swinging her around before kissing her. Duo turned away then, giving them their privacy. He could finally let go, knowing they were happy. Maybe being Shinigami had an up-side after all.

> > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

That's it.

It's done.

I hope you all enjoyed it far more than I did writing it.

Sad isn't usually my thing, but this one came out of it's own accord.

Please note, that I DON'T endorse suicide at all! This is just my artistic expression living out it's own life (or death) through my keyboard.

Thank you all.

On a side note, I have an idea for a Gundam Lullaby Re-Mix. One that isn't so sad, but probably not as long either. If anyone is interested in reading it, please let me know. Thanx. :)


End file.
